At the end of the day at the Internet Garage, we cash out and put the money in an envelope in a secret place. But for a while, we haven’t had any envelopes, requiring us to fashion them out of paper and staples. A few moments ago, I grabbed a sheet off the top of the recycling pile upon which the following words were laid in Helvetica:
My Baby’s Daddy
Mark! Don’t leave me! Please, don’t leave me! You can’t.
What? What do you mean we were never together? We had sex Tuesday at 2:46 pm exactly eight months ago and Mark…and…and…
And Mark, I’m eight months pregnant. that’s right Mark. You and I are about to be parents, parents of a tiny baby. So, I’m going to need you Mark because I can’t raise a tiny baby alone.
You can’t leave me, Mark, I’m Darlene remember?
Mark, you’re so cute and forgetful.
You’re going to make a great father.
… I hope this is some kind of artistic expression and not real.
I’ve seen and heard a lot of weird shit during my shift tonight, but I didn’t see anyone come in who fits the bill for this. Oh reality TV….
This was found on the Wall of Flyers at the Internet Garage. I looked up from my laptop to see a customer standing on the back of the couch examining this. “Hey can I take this poster down?” he asked. I squinted to read it. “Uh, why? Do you have something against cheap dental care?” I asked. “No, it’s hilarious, look at it,” he responded. And I got up to go examine it. So I told him he could have the poster if I could scan it first.
I’m actually extremely curious about this — assuming this is not legit, what would motivate someone to go to the trouble of designing and printing out this poster and placing it in a public computer lab in Williamsburg? I guess the way to find out would be to call the number…
Any volunteers? No, I dare you to call the number and ask whoever picks up if they are aware they spelled “courteous” wrong on their dental poster. First to post the outcome in the comments below might possibly get a prize.
I found this duo stuck together beside one of the computers while I was cleaning up one night…What better place to put a list of important things you have to do than on a ripped-out page of the Bible… that you then leave in a public computer lab. This guy really has his shit together….
Stick with these 5 (4?) simple rules and you are on your way to success. Also, am I the only one who is tickled by the fact that Rule 5 is blank and yet there is a Rule 0 hastily inserted at the top?
This Friday, I introduce to you a man named Frank. Of all my Found items from the IG, his are the most plentiful, interesting, and deep. This is because Frank unfortunately left his leather-bound travel journal behind. When I saw it and realized what it was, I left it untouched in the Drawer of Random Crap for a whole week, hoping he would come back in to claim it. My leather-bound journal is one of my most sacred possessions, and from one journal-author to the next I wanted to keep it safe for him. After the week passed and the journal remained, I opened it up to look for contact information so I could return it to him. There was no email address listed so I tried looking him up on Google but found nothing. I called a few stray numbers I found in there trying to locate him, but none of them knew a Frank and I found it difficult to describe him effectively, only having his inner most thoughts and feelings to describe him by. And then, I did what any IG staffer bored on a 10-hour Saturday shift would do, and read the entire thing…. and scanned some pages.
This is one of my favorite things in Frank’s journal: The poignant reminder of how we come to live with regrets because of fearful inaction. After four pages of attempts that began “Catherine I –” followed by lines of text scribbled out, Frank finally managed to get these thoughts onto paper:
Oh, Frank. If only you would have had Internets sooner! I hope that when you came to the Internet Garage, it was so that you could email Catherine. There was also this:
Ah, bittersweet regrets… Some of you may be thinking that I have crossed some kind of line by publishing Frank’s private thoughts, but I think he would have wanted it this way. If I ever lost my journal, I would hope that someone would find my thoughts interesting enough to publish, even if that publication was only some girl’s insignificant web log…
Happy Friday, friends.