Call me accident prone, adventurous, spacey, unlucky. I don’t know what it is about me exactly, but I end up in more /facepalm situations than the average individual. Yeah, shit happens to everyone, but I would be willing to bet that if you compared my epic fails with those of the average population, you would find a p-value of way less than .05.
Lately, I’ve been on a streak that all started yesterday when I went to move my company vehicle in preparation today’s day of promotions in the city. It didn’t start. Seeing as how I am pretty much the only person I know personally who is crazy enough to accept the responsibility of having a car in this city, I didn’t know anyone who could jump it for me. So I called a mechanic, and sixty-five dollars later the car was running. The problem was, he told me to keep it running for an hour so the batter could charge up. So I did, and on the way out of the lot, anxious to run an errand before closing time, I totally ROCKED my toe on a piece of rusty metal that was jutting straight up out of the cement. It’s one of those things where my big toenail is broken in half but I can’t *fix* it without making it worse, if you know what I mean. Everything about the situation was saying TETANUS WARNING to me, but my lack of health insurance combined with a deep sense of embitterment towards NYC health care facilities after being hit with surprise bills for services I didn’t request made me inclined to take my chances with the tetanus despite the good advice of my Internet friends in the medical fields.
After putting the Xterra in for the night and limping my way to close the gate, I realized that I had locked the key to the gate in the car, which was parked on the other side of the gate I had just locked.
That was yesterday, and what stood between the vehicle that I needed to complete my day of work-related activities today and me was a 15-foot chain-link fence, also rusted to the core. At first I thought I was screwed, but I found one four-foot wide stretch that didn’t have razor wire along the top, and I knew what I had to do. With flip flops and a busted toe issue though –not to mention the window full of hipsters who were staring at me, intrigued by my facepalm gesture — I decided to wait for morning.
And there is nothing quite like scaling a 15-foot rusted fence in Brooklyn at 6 AM. Last night, I was able to rationalize not going in for a tetanus shot. Today, not so much.