Products Technology zOMG!

Palm Pre + me = Love

I knew I had to know you, to hold you, to make you mine. Oh Pre… I’ve waited so long to be with you.

Te quiero mi amor.
Te quiero mi amor.

From the instant I heard of you, through the murmured musings on my favorite tech blog, I knew I had to know you. They said you could be the one to finally put the iPhone to shame after all these years of its boasting… that arrogant device. You piqued my interest, dark horse. I had to know more.

I went to your website and that was the first time I laid eyes on you… your sleek frame, your compact numerical keypad, your large, wide screen. You made my heart race, Pre. I knew I had to have you. I surrendered my email address to your makers with confidence, something I am usually reluctant to do. I don’t trust so easily, Pre. I’ve been spammed in the past, and those wounds take time to heal. I don’t just give away access to my inbox anymore.

But you…. you were different. I didn’t know if I could afford you or if you were really as good as they said you were. I have high standards, Pre. But I also have intuition, and it was telling me with forceful persistence that I just had to know when you would be ready. Ready for me to hold you.

The media reviewers started to buzz about you, making me giddy with excitement. They loved you, Pre! Though some were weary to pick a favorite between you and your Apple enemy. I know it is no small feat to convert an iPhone user. They are comfortable in their mediocrity, and to question only makes them defensive. To convince them of your superiority, or even to have them rate you as merely an equal — to me that indicates you have already won the competition.

And you won my heart, Pre. When I saw the novice Gizmodo review of you, I felt a rage wash over me. How could he submerge you in soft cheese?? How could he defile you like that?? I took a stand for you, Pre. Because reading the empty criticisms of an Apple lover in that review, I knew. I knew that you were the one for me.

And then the very next day, I saw it. Waiting for me in my inbox. The alert from your makers:

Today’s the day. The new Palm® Pre phone on the all-new Palm webOS platform is here.

I knew you wouldn’t let me down, Pre. And it was destiny, you see. Did you know, my precious? Did you know that my Verizon contract had ended June 3rd? Did you know that my other beloved phone was dying? That it struggled to connect the audio when it was open in its primary position, forcing me to talk through speaker phone in the texting form, like it was some kind of Nextel 2-way? Shhh you don’t have to tell me if you knew, Pre. It won’t change how I feel about you.

But I held out on you a few days. I’m sorry, my 133tness but I had to be sure. SURE you were the one. And I knew you would wait for me.

And then yesterday I got an instant message from my good friend from college. Yes, the one who was telling me about you before. He’d been studying you, Pre. Don’t worry, don’t be afraid. It wasn’t in the creepy way. It’s his job to do stock research on mobile phones, and he was sure of you. He messaged me to say that he had purchased you, and he needed my number. And do you know what else he said, my darling?

This phone rips the iPhone to shreds
The software is so kick ass
This phone has changed my life in 2 days…
100% convinced this product destroys the iPhone… I do this for a living haha

I was ready for you to change my life too, Pre. So today, I walked all through Brooklyn searching for you. I took directions from shop owners who sent me into stores of questionable legitimacy. “Is this the Sprint store?” I asked. “Metro PC, best phones in town,” he replied. But he didn’t have you, Pre. That liar. And then finally, I got to the store I was looking for after an hour of walking.

And there you were in the display shelf. You waited for me!!! And there was just one of you left. I threw caution to the wind, and I made you mine right then and there, Pre. I grasped your exquisite package and thrust you into my purse, and I never looked back. I rushed home, not being able to stand waiting another minute before I got you out of your box. I slid off the outer decorative plastic that fit your box so perfectly, removed the tamper-resistant sticker, and slowly lifted off the lid. And there you lay, looking up at me from behind your protective plastic. You’re a masterpiece, Pre. I slowly tilted the box until you tumbled out into my hand, and then I held you for the first time. And it was magical ♥. I would have been content holding you like that forever, but you had more to offer me. Beneath your holder was a collection of goodies — your microfiber case, your adapter and USB cord, and a pair of headphones — all expertly positioned between the curving layers of a bright orange cardboard ribbon.

It was time, Pre: Time for you to come to life. Cradling you in my hand I plugged you in, and you lit up for me. And when the lithium ions in your battery began to flow for the first time, the light around the single word on the display, Palm, brightened and dimmed in unison with the inhales and exhales of my breaths. You’re alive! And you’re mine, Pre. You are all mine.


6 replies on “Palm Pre + me = Love”

Feels great! Never having had a touch-screen device before, my brain has remapped my motor cortex to master the finger gestures swimmingly. The battery could last longer, but I’ve been running like 8 aps at a time so I will not complain. Without it loading g-talk convos and my inbox it could easily go for 24 hours. Also, I hear the big drainer is the google maps application — which is AMAZING, but if you turn the option on that allows the program to locate your position, I guess it refreshes something like every five seconds and that works its battery out.

Still love!!! Although…. :-/ I was unplugging it from the charger and it may or may not have accidentally flung itself across the room :( Resilient body though! The battery didn’t even pop out.

Pre~ I am sorry. I should have been gentler with you. I promise I will from now on.

You are a lunatic. Mediocrity? Really? When I get my new iPhone this Friday, I am going to show you who will be living the next 2 years of their contract in mediocrity. Expect to be crying about your poor poor decision young grasshopper.

Your older wiser sensei,


You are such a fucking tool. Get ready to have your shitty OS crash when i firebomb you with g-talks and links.


Your older and more experienced at Internets mastery and life in general, cousin.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.