Say you’re stranded on an island…

Figure 1: My creation using GraphJam.com's Graph Builder. It's a pretty sweet ap.

I finally got around to downloading the Flash Player that I needed to create my own GraphJams and made this earlier while trying to figure out of the Palm Pre’s coverage will extend to Haiti, where I’m going on Sunday. It will be a critical factor in my decision to purchase it. I have read that the Palm Pre is not considered a worldphone and my search attempts were not successful in locating information regarding International coverage. In the event that coverage won’t extend to there, I will be torn about what to do because honestly, I just don’t think I can go that long without my beloved Internets. I go into withdrawal when I am apart for merely hours, and if you think this is a joke, you’ve obviously never been around me for an extended period of time. I get moody and irritable, I start looking for excuses to get out of whatever situation I’m in so that I can go home and get my fix, relationships in my life suffer,

Me: You mean you want to go OUT? Uhh… sorry I have to… work.

Potential suitor: But you’re unemployed!

Me: But I Tweet like it’s my job. Don’t question.

and while it may be classified as an addiction by some, it’s no cause for concern. If I ever attempt to donate my eggs to pay the Comcast bill or start sleeping with strangers for their Internet access, THEN I will check myself into Amish rehab. In the mean time, smartphone here I come!

Some people are surprised to learn that I don’t have a smartphone currently, but it was actually a very deliberate decision. I know that when I get one, it will be the end of my organic existence; it will be the precipitating factor in the chain of events that will seal my fate as a cyborg. Well, OK. Not *the* precipitating factor, as I am fond of determinism and the idea that such a factor is actually indefinable as part of a chain of events that extends well past my birth and therefore we are not responsible for our actions (damn you philosophy!). But yes, dear readers, one of these days, I can quite positively say I will cease to be Arikia the human, and will be born anew as Arikia the badass robotically-enhanced genius computing babe. And I am ready to accept that.

Figure 2: An artists rendition of me, nonchalantly leaning on a post reading some science news via a future version of the Kindle while a robot dude tries to hit on me. I skillfully ignore him. Some things never change. (Image from Smashing Magazine.)

Figure 2: An artist's rendition of me, nonchalantly leaning on a post reading some science news via a future version of the Kindle while a robot dude tries to hit on me. I skillfully ignore him. Some things never change. (Image from Smashing Magazine.)

Then again, we’re supposed to have flying cars and immortality by now according to old school sci fi authors. Whatever, I have faith in technology and nobody can crush my robot visions (♥ Isaac). And while I don’t know when I will be able to transform into the cybernetic organism I am destined to become — I’ll have to check with Ray about that one but I think last I heard was 2060 — what I do know is that in any form of existence, I will always have super hot boots that could do some serious damage. This is what I attribute my success in not getting mugged in Brooklyn to so far (I live on the border of the gentrified hipster residences and the Puerto Rican gang zone in Williamsburg), and this is also the primary reason why I’m not scared of getting robbed or worse in Haiti. I am bringing those boots and I am wearing them often.

Anyway, in preparation for the possibility of not having high-speed Internet access for *gasp* TWO WEEKS *faint* I am taking a few precautionary measures so I don’t end up in this likely scenario:

Figure 3: The inspiration for my personalized GraphJam and a source of great anxiety. (Via GraphJam.com)

Figure 3: The inspiration for my personalized GraphJam and a source of great anxiety. (Via GraphJam.com.)

I am most likely going to be doing some serious napping, but in an effort to increase the yellow zone, I am pulling all the components I need for the development stuff I’m working on from the web into my hard drive, installing the G-Mail lab that allows you to write emails offline, and going through the archives of FAILblog to strengthen their images in my mind in order to recall them at will when I need to LOL. Oh wait.. that won’t increase my productivity BUT if there’s an awkward moment at the dinner table? AHAHA why did they put a wheelchair sign by that staircase??!??! I also purchased a point-and-shoot on sale today at Best Buy (despite the eye-gougingly bad service), so that in the worst case scenario, I can blog my trip when I return! Well, not WORST case, but, you know…

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2 thoughts on “Say you’re stranded on an island…

  1. Toaster

    Every time I go to Best Buy my Shank-O-Meter creeps closer to zero.

    Boots are also good for smashing zombies in their brain pans. Clunk clunk splatter splat!

    Reply
  2. Jeff

    If you have to read a book, I suggest Playboy’s Bar Guide. Vaguely sexist, but killer martini recipe.

    Reply

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