To give a fuck or not give a fuck?

That is the question I have found myself pondering lately in light of this conversation I had with some of my posse at the Internet Garage yesterday:

Me: What have you been doing with yourself lately?

J: I quit my job at that shitty cafe. I was working way too hard for too little back and just decided, no more. Since then, I’ve been coasting.

Me: What? Coasting? But… how do you pay for things?

J: You don’t worry about it. That’s what coasting is all about. You should try it.

Me: Uhh… I think you’re going to have to give me some lessons or something because I only know how to do two things — work or freak out.

M: Usually the later.

J: Yo, you’ve just gotta coast, man. Cali style.

Upon further research, I discovered a few definitions for “coasting“:

  1. Being in a point of total relaxation, when everything seems to be going your way. (Eg: The multi-millionaire record executive was coasting.)
  2. When you don’t gas the engine of your car while driving. Also one of the best ways to stretch your gas usage. (Eg: Coasting is my favorite illegal activity that I do regularly.)

Well, if I was going to attempt to “coast” my scenario would be more like the second, because how can people possibly relax when they might not be able to pay rent or will ruin their credit rating or not be able to afford food!? At least in the second scenario, the person driving is probably allowed to freak out while the coasting is occurring, although this may not mesh with Cali standards…

Then I came across this video today while I was searching for Keyboard Cat (Play him off, Keyboard Cat!!!) and started to think that maybe J was onto something with this whole coasting idea.

I mean, just LOOK at that correlation. It is damn near ONE, and according to this video, “scientists have PROVEN that the average human being gives 60% too much of a fuck about most daily activities.” Sounds about accurate to me. We all know statistics never lie. Now, my NGAF checklist would be a great deal different from this joker’s, and would include things like spending 4 hours at the hardware store where my favorite African Gray parrot lives (I only spent 30 minutes there today and pretended like I was looking at phone cords — CLEARLY giving a fuck), going on FAILblog instead of polishing my resume, and eating Ben & Jerry’s ice cream for every meal of the day. I mean, if I wanted to not give a fuck, I am certainly in the right place for it. See that transformation that happens at 1:06? That pretty much resembles every guy in Williamsburg. If I wanted to not give a fuck I would fit right in!

But as appealing as that sounds, I can’t not give a fuck. Not when there is science to marvel at and an Internet empire to be built. And hey, there’s always the weekends.

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