An ode to Myiopsitta monachus

I used to have a quaker parrot named Kiwi and he was my best friend. He flew away four years ago and I still stay up some nights thinking about what may have happened to him and how I could have prevented his departure. I miss him dearly. Once you’ve known the joys of parrot ownership, I don’t think life can ever be quite the same without one.

My baby, telling me all about his day.

Sometimes I wonder if he’s still out there somewhere. Every now and then I will scour the web with keywords like the date he flew away, city, state, description, and the number from his ID bracelet, hoping that someone posted a clue or a Found ad that I missed, or that Google has gotten better. But nothing ever turns up. So I hit up YouTube, and watch videos of the other little green clowns in the world.

Here are some of my favorites:

I love the “YAAAY” at the end.

Kiwi used to like to run through tunnels and play with boxes, too. Those are sounds of pure quaker bliss.

And here is the conundrum of parrot discipline. They pick up the things you say to them when they’ve been bad, and repeat them back to you after they do something mischevious, like toss a water dish on the floor or steal your food when you’re not looking. Then no matter how annoyed you are at what they just did, you can’t help but laugh at their mockery of your discipline, which reinforces the bad behavior. That’s why quaker owners must be tolerant of constant shenanigans.

They’re pretty good at recreating conversations. Of course a lot of it is improvisation and mumbles, but they string in some key phrases that are typical of an owner’s rants. In high school, Kiwi’s cage was in this hallway area near my mom’s room, so like Boogie rants about “getting up and going to work every day” in this video, Kiwi would recreate some of the arguments my mom and I used to have. It was more high-pitched yelling than mumbles, with a few ‘god damnit’s and a very audible “BUT MOM, IT’S NOT FAIR!” tossed in at the end. And then of course there was the exasperated “UUUGGGHH.” Butt out, Kiwi! This doesn’t concern you.

And of course, there’s no time like bath time when it comes to a quaker’s idea of fun

Ace choice of music.

Well, that’s all. I doubt you enjoyed this as much as I did, but oh well. Some day, when I have more stability in my life, I’ll get another parrot, or maybe a family of parrots. But for now, I will just keep reading about them and trying to spot them in their natural habitat, where i happen to reside.